THE'I'SM

    Recently, I was asked by my good friend, Viji, if I believe in God.

    ...
    ...

    Albert Einstein was once asked the same question. And here was his reply:

    “I believe in Spinoza's God who reveals himself in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a [personal] God who concerns himself with fates and actions of human beings.”

    Courtesy: SJG Archives

    ...
    ...

    My reply was way too snappy! But first,

A Primer on God-belief:

    Atheists disbelieve in the existence of God.
       
    Deists believe that God is the architect of the universe. And like all [human] architects, God only built the         universe and does not control its inhabitants.

    Theists on the other hand believe in a Personal God - He who watches over everything and He who has         complete control over every happening in this world. A theist may be:

    Monotheistic - believing there is and worshipping only one God (and hence one deity).
    Polytheistic - believing there are and worshipping many Gods (and hence many deities).
    Henotheistic - believing there is one God but worshipping many deities.
    Monoaltristic - believing there are many Gods but worshipping only one deity
    Pantheistic - believing that God is the whole [universe]
    Panetheistic - believing that the whole [universe] is in God.

    Fedeists believe that [religious] faiths are independent of reason.

    Agnostics believe that the truth about the existence of God is unknown or unknowable. An agnostic may be:

   
    Strongly Agnostic - "I can't know if God exists or otherwise... So can't you... Ever!"
    Weakly Agnostic - "I don't know whether God exists or not... But one day [in the future] we will find evidence!"
    Agnostically Atheistic - "I don't claim the existence of God... And [hence] I certainly don't believe in any!"
    Agnostically Theistic - "I don't claim the existence of God... Still, I certainly believe God exists!"
    Apothetically Agnostic - "Only you and I are arguing about God... But God doesn't seem to be concerned about     the fate of the humans! If He really cares, why isn't He proving His existence [to us]?"

    And finally, Apatheists aren't interested in claiming or denying the existence of God.

    (Clearly, Einstein was more of an agnostic deist.)



Look ma! I've a theory too:

    [After my first introspection about God in all my life,] I see the the word 'God' as the letter 'i' used in algebra which denotes the square root of -1. Just like the Italian mathematician Gerolamo Cardano, while trying his hands on solving cubic equations, had helped in the conception of the idea of complex numbers, I believe that the ancient philosophers, while trying to answer fundamental questions like "How life and the worlds originated?", had helped in the conception of the idea of 'God'. Just like the idea of 'i' solved many polynomial equations which were never before 'solvable', the idea of 'God' had helped answer many a question which could never be 'answerable'.

    I also believe that it is very likely that humans may lack the intellectual capability to see / understand the answers which explains their very existence. Just like, say, a canine when crossing the road shall be unable to answer questions like "Why are there alternating white lines in the middle of the road?", "What are these beings [on wheels] moving at insane speeds and where are they heading to?" let alone - "By what degree is a V-twin engine more efficient than a V-3 engine?"

    Although these road-crossing-canines, [possibly] have theories of their own as to what cars and buses are (or even have no theories at all), they don't argue with fellow canines to press their theory - don't form herds based on their theories - don't  indulge in"dog-fights" with other herds having different theories - don't kill each other for the sake of their own theories.

...
...

    "For God's sake Viji, I give a damn about God!" I snapped.

    (Non-empathetic apatheism maybe?)

Happy Pongal Everyone!

The sun is the soul
      Of the planets as a whole
Our Earth is a son
      Of you, the mighty sun.

                                                            Compared to you fire is cool!
                                                                  If I ever dream to touch you, I'm a fool!
                                                            We disregard people as untouchable
                                                                  But for sure, you're the real 'un-touchable".

God is the greatest mathematician,
      Who in a universal campus
Drew the most perfect sphere - The Sun
      Even without a compass.

                                                            Oh sun! You hide yourself between the mountains,
                                                                  Make the rain flow as a fountain.
                                                            You are the real reason of life we maintain,
                                                                  So. we're nothing about you to complaint.

In the sky,
      You are nature's top rank painter!
But in the afternoon,
      You make us feel much fainter!

                                                            In punctuality, you are an excellent teacher,
                                                                  Even to the tiniest of the tiny creature.
                                                            You take bath twice a day in sea
                                                                  And so you are as active as a bee.

In the afternoon you 'fire' a gun
      For nothin but just for fun!
You refresh us with a cool breeze,
      But sometimes with anger blow us with ease.

                                                            You are so powerful to make people blind,
                                                                 But yet good and calm and kind.
                                                            You were the olden clock,
                                                                  But now you are put into a knock.

You appointed a night guard,
      Who keeps guard of the night.
But he takes leave for a day without a word
      And with darkness vanquishing the night!

                                                            We circle around for our well-being the Navagrahas,
                                                                  But the Navagrahas themselves circle around you for Anugraha!
                                                            You make people to mingle,
                                                                  Through a festival named 'Pongal'!

We salute you
      For your majesticity!
And appreciate you
      For your simplicity and generosity!

N.Sivasundar        

IX - std             

Sri Sankara Vidyalaya

I Wish I Had An Erection

It's a beautiful Sunday evening, and I am waiting for a bus (to take me just two stops from the Perambur railway station), standing 'under' a heavy backpack and carrying a package which I am to deliver to my uncle's colleague who in turn is to deliver the same to my sister overseas. The package is a jute bag weighing a little over 10 kilos and I am late by a little more than 2 hours. A bus arrived - reminding me of the overly-stuffed-and-about-to-pop bag I am carrying myself. As I (barely) place one of my feet on the foot-board, the other dangling mere inches above the asphalt - one of my hands tightly clasping a window-sill and also holding the package at the same time, with the other hand free to buy a ticket - I can feel the pride in my own dexterity as the bus picks up momentum.

And then the unthinkable happens...

As I reach for the coins inside my pocket, as though by the Devil's intervention, the only straps that hold my trousers unfasten themselves completely in a snap! All that now prevents them from falling straight down to the moving ground below (leaving me butt-naked in a moving bus) is my hand inside the pocket. I know I am in serious trouble.

As I try to "hold my trousers from inside my pocket" while I pretend to reach for coins (and evade dirty looks from the bus-conductor), I learn that the next stop has already 'arrived' and that I, along with the other fellow dexterous foot-board passengers, ought to first get down from the foot-board, in turn allowing the not-so-dexterous 'inside' passengers to get down. With my hands still "searching for coins", I alight from the bus.

With just seconds to spare before the bus would start off, I now re-position myself on the foot-board, only this time with the package I have been carrying to remain a few inches below my own 'package' with the former now holding the trousers from falling down with the aide of my vice-like legs. Alas! My hand can 'finally' take out the coins and buy myself a ticket. I come to the realization that I am now a human laundry-clip!

 And then more unthinkable things happen in split-second processions (best concieved in slow-mo):

1. The conductor hands over the ticket as I reach my hand towards him.

2. A man who has been witnessing my ordeal decides to 'help' by yanking my jute-bag free from the clutches of my legs to place it in a safer place inside the bus.

3. A stray-dog instantly fallen irresistibly in love with a... well... 'bitch', decides not to waste time but to run towards her, risking being crushed to pulp by a moving 50 tonne bus.

4. My bus-driver slams the brakes forcing people to fall 'gracefully' towards the exit upon the souls standing on the foot-board, forcing me to brace myself with my hand that reached for the ticket or fear falling head-first on the asphalt below. I wisely choose option 'A'!

5. My trousers begin their glorious free-fall.

With both my hands 'occupied' - and being someone who does not give up easily, I decide to use my wiener to brake the fall of my trousers.

I WISH I HAVE AN ERECTION!!!

(Ever heard of Masters and Johnson's Light-bulb and Iron Theory?)

Quickly, I scan for a female who is (anything close to) sexy who I can 'use' to "turn-on my light-bulb". Aha! I spot one... Time to focus hard... hard... hard....

And that was the time I made a shocking discovery.

MEN DON'T FIND WOMEN TO TURN THEM ON WHEN FACING A LIFE-OR-DEATH SITUATION!!!

(...although research has shown that the reverse is true for women!)

...

Saddened by my inability to perform under pressure - Performance Anxiety as experts elegantly call it - I somehow manage to alight from the bus once and for all "in full piece", with my trousers now poised precariously in an ultra-low-waist (or rather low-bottom) fashion. My "trendy outfit" only provokes a contemptuous look by the hot 60 year old 'auntie' who I had previously "laid my eyes on"...

"Kids!!!!", she scoffs, as she adjusts her pink spaghetti-top......

It's a New Year... It's a new post...

It's a new year... It''s a new post in my new blog.... It's a new venture inspired by a new friend who, since the day we met, makes me feel that I knew her for ages...

Viji, I dedicate this blog to thee!